#also im personally uncomfortable with how much of that child's life is shared online | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starillusion13 · 8 months ago

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Ok so I am bored to death soo questionnaire ahead:

Birth month

Hav u dated

If u could spend one day with an idol who?

Can u sing

Fav k-pop songs

Fav non k-pop song

Is yuta sexy?

Fav food

Fav drink

Am I annoying

What if I am a 40 y/o uncle?

Kiss marry kill (atz/nct) also me

Ideal date

Fav movie,series,anime,comic

Do u believe in aliens

Why are cows white

Would u date if taeyong was a fat cow

Are u cow?

Assign me an animal/flower/season/thing/colour

Are u checking facts

Ok that's it. If u don't wanna ans anz Q ignore it~

-🦀

wait some questions are- oh gosh am cracking up!

June (yes I am same month as Haechan Taeil Yeosang)

No (I receive a lot of proposals but no. never felt like to date coz I cant trust anyone)

Taeyong (I am really so into him like i just want to meet him one day just to say Thank you for appearing in my life suddenly back in those days. he has changed me a lot and taught me so many positive things.) Also, Hongjoong, Yunho & Mark

Yes I can sing. (I was in singing and dancing club back in school coz I can do both)

Right now I would say Box-nct dream but (been through, thunder, playboy, heart attack - exo, sun&moon, no longer, lipstick, sit down, lips, -nct 127, inception, arriba, fever -ateez, teddy bear, never goodbye, its yours, rainbow -nct dream, after midnight, poppin love, domino, all for love, no one but you -wayv, wish u were here, line em up - superm, Im unhappy, new world - aespa, sunrise, summer rain -gfriend)

else from kpop (dowtown - allie x, I'm not her - clara mae, eastside - halsey, ciao adios - anne marie, all we know - chainsmokers, i like you so much you'll know it, know me - gemini, on the loose- niall horan, arcade- duncane laurance, 6 feet under -bellie elish, fetish - selena gomez...I listen to non kpop more so if I start with all then it'll be about a post only for songs) I listen to songs almost whole day so theres a big list...sorry but I literally love when someone asks me about my fav songs.

Of course Yuta is sexy...comeon that video of him stretching and his butterfly tattoo peeking beneath his shirt is still imprinted in my head. His whole appearance is what some fans their idol to be.

Food,I'm not a foody person. I often skip meals. but I love cakes and ice cream a lot.

Smoothie (I try those special ones from every cafe, I love it)

of course not. Never, if you ask me 100 asks a day, I will still answer u. I am always online coz my studies r online related so just I take time to answer but u cant be annoying. I love to interact with u so much. you are the sweetest anon. I am glad to be your friend.

It's okay. (If the uncle is feeling uncomfortable to share his age with younger people then fine but if he is sexualizing or making dirty jokes with a younger person who is half of his age then he should feel shame on himself like how are you treating someone of your child's age also I have followers who are almost 40 and I have fun with them in some topics even in real, I engage in a convo with elder people too fast)

sorry love but kill - you coz no one comes before ateez n nct

kiss - NCT (this is literally like choosing btw mom n dad)

marry - ateez (age diff is perfect to marry lol)

to be honest if I could date someone, i would have dated Yunho (caring, soft, a perfect body proportion (im not pervert i swear), passionate about his belongings, a bit dominative but not like those in ffs, romantic, smart, can cook, sassy, cute, gentleman, hot) Taeyong and Hongjoong should not see this

Fav movie - interstellar( i have watched it 7 times not kidding, I love space a lot), I literally watch all youtube videos on space and its history, series- theres few in my language which r too good but I dont think they have translation ver. , if u say drama then (meteor garden, put your head on my shoulder, love o2o, vincenzo, extraordinary you, doom at my service) Im not a anime/comic person but my bestie is.

As I love space so certainly I believe in aliens and some unnatural events happened on earth.

Cows white...but I see cows of different colors, but those white ones who are due to pigmentation reason dw they get pretty privileges lol

Why will I date a cow? oh gosh no. Honestly, he is too thin to be a cow and cow doesnt have those sharp jawlines. he could have been a knife, I would have used it regularly.

If I were a cow then only it would have been possible to date a cow Taeyong.

Animal - fox (dk but I felt like it)

flower - sunflower

season - summer

thing - ribbon

color - red

assign things r very random but I trust my instincts and they told me these all

checking facts (?) check the facts go check that check the stats go check that.

WOW LOOKS LIKE MY WIKIPEDIA

#a star 🌟#a star for you #anon 🦀

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ghiblivampire · 4 years ago

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i found a letter to my future self

when i was in eighth grade my english teacher had us all write a letter to our future selves on the last day of classes. i wrote mine and when i got home i stuffed it into the back of a nancy drew box set my aunt got me for christmas, and told myself i would read it four years later, the day i graduated high school. when i finally did finish high school, i was too weirdly emotional and uncomfortable with my past self so i couldn’t make myself read it.

now it’s a little more than six years after i wrote the letter, i’m 20 years old which, for personal reasons, is a far more significant age than 18. i finally opened up the back of the nancy drew box set and read the letter. it made me cry a little, and laugh some, and i want to share the highlights of it as well as a little response (under a read more bc this post is already really long and honestly no one probably cares. but im writing this for me)

some highlights:

“I hope you have matured in these four years! But I still hope you have not found anyone better than Edward Elric.”

answer to both: i have not :)

(this was so fucking funny to read and i genuinely have no idea if i was joking about it or not)

“Is [my old friend group with a weird ass name] still together?”

unfortunately the asymmetrical demons have disbanded due to The Incident (please fucking log out of your skype account or else you will be outed to your parents and they will force you to cut contact with all your friends by putting you in online school) but hey i’m an adult now and i’m working up the courage to talk to them again <3

“What is your favorite song?”

i don’t know why you asked me this when you Know you’ve never been able to have a single favorite song >:( i literally have a playlist of like 80 different songs that i would call my favorite and i refuse to pick a single one of them

“Are you moving to Canada still?”

i forgot that i wanted to move to canada and honestly i feel like that’s enough of an answer

[at the top of the page, upside down, with zero context]

“Hast thou filched from thy teacher a book? Returneth it anon!”

listen i understand what these words mean but why the hell did you write this. what is the context. why is it upside down. i have so many questions and no way to answer them

“How many boyfriends have you had...?”

someday child you will understand that your worth is not tied to your relationship status and that there are other ways in life to find belonging and fulfillment than having a romantic partner. and i know you already know this but you are so, so gay, bro

this is my way of saying the answer is still zero. :(

“Are [my brother and his now ex girlfriend] married yet?”

their relationship ended in flames like a week ago. yikes :/

[for some reason i just list all the classes i’m taking at the time]

idk why you wrote this but also i forgot the name of my eighth grade math teacher and it has been bugging me for like weeks now so thank you so much

[then at the end i talk about my self insert fullmetal alchemist oc that marries edward elric for like a whole paragraph]

you are such a nerd and i love you <3

now if i could tell my past self five things:

be weirder!!!! none of your actions will have consequences until you are an adult!! be rebellious and sneak out with your friends past midnight to steal a stop sign or something!! don’t miss out on a chance to make good memories because you’re worried about being perceived! no one will remember you and that is a glorious thing

your parents are wrong about many things. the importance of your grades is not one of them. please do your fucking homework

your acne is mostly caused by hormones but also because of dairy, i learned this after my skin magically cleared up after i became lactose intolerant. also don’t pick at it please

you have a cat now!!!!!! finally!!!!!! when i wake up in the morning i go find her sleeping on the couch and she wakes up for a moment to climb into my lap and fall back asleep

you are about to go through a lot, but you do get through it. i’m 20 now and i know you never thought i would get here but i did. and it’s not perfect, but i am so much happier than i was when i was you.

also i know i said five things but uhhhhh 6. you fuckin have blue hair now hell yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#finally...... a personal post that isn't negative #this is ok to read by the way !!#i know probably no one will but i don't mind if someone wants to look through it or like psychoanalyze me or whatever lmao #good luck‚ stargazer

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witchysleepingbeauty · 3 years ago

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Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

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pleasereadfully-blog · 7 years ago

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WARNING: LAWRENCE M. REINHARDT/USER “OSPRIET”

further proof the person and accounts referenced are him:

(since writing this, lawrence has since deleted his blog. either he then recreated it with the same url or someone else got to it in the interim, just know that the current holder of the url “ospriet” may not be lawrence himself. there are as many screenshots of the posts referenced as possible.)

to match the pictures above with the ORIGINAL account referenced:

http://ospriet.tumblr.com/tagged/it-me [click for image]

warning for not safe for work content with multiple topics. adults having sexual contact w/ minors, topics including incest, beastiality, rape, torture porn, abuse and other uncomfortable topics.

what’s of most concern is this man’s tendency to pursue teenage partners despite being well into his 20s and nearing his 30s. this perhaps wouldn’t be so concerning if he didn’t start his pursuits when these vulnerable (mostly trans boys, either pre-transition or as they transition it seems) teenagers who either aren’t 18 yet or are just recently 18. while not illegal, there is something very disturbing about a 28 year old man who repeatedly targets teenagers. he is not engaging in these relationships without knowing the ages or age gaps, he has admitted he knows just how old his partners are when he first starts seeking them out. these are not false allegations. there have been lengthy, emotionally devastating conversations with his past partners. he appears to use to fandom, online communities and groups, friendship, and roleplay to lure (there are other instances of similar posts throughout his blog) these teenagers in and then fosters a friendship with them that then he turns into a (sexual) relationship. there are several other links and screenshots throughout this post where he admits he enjoys age gaps as well.

(for those who do not know what some of these terms mean: roleplay is where two or more person’s write from the view point of certain characters from different mediums. it can vary from safe for work content or sexually explicit content.

“fandom” refers to collective fans of different medium, shows, games, books etc.)

it seems the fandoms in particular are snk, homestuck, the mcelroys brother’s content and dragon age. the first two seem as though he’s not into them anymore, but they’re worth noting. also vulture culture, norse mythology, werewolves and witchcraft but those two aren’t fandom just communities more or less.

he also appears to use okcupid, tinder and other date applications and websites to find people who meet his marks so be aware if you use such things or know people who do.

any adult man who has repeatedly displayed this behavior around teenagers should not be tolerated or excused for these actions. i would have liked to not put words in the reader’s mouth but repeated offenses like this have only one word: predatory. he should not be fostering friendships with teenagers, particularly ones who are minors. he should not be allowing minors to follow his blog. he should not be talking with them in private through skype or text or email or any other venue. he has reblogged provocative illustrated art of minors before which is disturbing given his inclinations. yes to be just, there are only two instances but they are there. there are images below which contain beastiality and as confirmed by others, he is sexually interested in scenarios involving animals beyond fiction and should not be around those either to be frank. even if you would like to wish that purely fictional interests don’t necessarily translate into real life pursuits, he has already demonstrated he’s willing to sexually and coercively pursue minors. the at the time 17 year old he dated still bears deep and lasting psychological scars from their “relationship” with him.

be aware that much of this is just the things we know of now that were made public through his blog.

the following information has been either found on his blog or generously supplied by individuals seeking to do right by the community.

his name is lawrence m. reinhardt [image], his nickname is wren, he’s currently 28 years old [image], lives in milford connecticut [image], works at jones family farm [image] and utilizes this tattoo parlor [image]. previously he was employed at uniqlo. [image]

this is his etsy shop [image] , his facebook account [link] his skype account [image] as well.

this an avatar he frequently uses. formally made by a previous girlfriend. [image]

his home address was left out of this write up as it wouldn’t be fair to involve his family since he still lives at home with them.

do not agree with some of the previous methods used to address these matters nor do i enjoy sharing the information above but i think it is important given his history that people know just who he is and where he can be found.

i sincerely hope that the information below gives anyone pause before they continue interacting with and supporting lawrence. these are not matters that could or should be waved away or excused with “but his current boyfriend is 18/over 18.” this isn’t a one off event or cause of concern and trying to excuse his behavior makes the excuser just as much to blame for his actions.

his lines clearly are crossed between reality and fiction and his fictional pursuits clearly have already endangered vulnerable youth and left unchecked, he stands to harm future youth as well.

please keep in mind there is much that has not been shared at the request of those he’s interacted with in the past. please keep reading for specific documentations of the above matters.

there is a good thing to read on the matter of age gaps themselves located here for those willing.

as well as this post as well as other posts on the blog pertaining to age gaps.

===

he says he’s only interest in a 5 year or so difference but repeatedly targets teenagers out of his age range to pursue.

[click for image]

all of his relationships save for one that’s been found have been 8 or more years with largest gap being 9 years. this is a dangerous pattern.

from the oldest relationship located to the most recent:

in 2013, dated http://barackohana.tumblr.com/unknown age unknown and this is the only mention of them. mentioned only to establish the timeline. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/41822601413/barackohana-im-gonna-meet-my-bf-face-to-face-on [click for link to image]

then dated http://dysfunctionaldraught.tumblr.com for several months. currently 22, so they were 17/18 at the start of their relationship and interactions. [click for image] [click for image]

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[NAME REDACTED IN THESE POSTS this individual was a minor for this ‘friendship’ into ‘relationship’ and has been contacted about this relationship. talking about lawrence and this ‘relationship’ was very uncomfortable for them and they prefer to keep as much distance as possible and we’ve done our best to honor that request.] keep in mind, ospriet/lawrence was 25 for this relationship, he acknowledges his age here: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/84571471106/sometimes-i-forget-im-in-my-mid-twenties-l-m-f-a [click for link to image]

”i was 17 when i met him and he was 25 (i’m 21 now) and [redacted …]” [click for link if image won’t show]

was 17 when they started talking. (old links & their old account berik http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/93897778121/beriks-im-twelve-look-at-this-little-shit [click for link to image]

being 17 at the start, they were in highschool. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/88865162886/beriks-time-to-graduate-nerds-congratulations [click for link to image] ospriet.tumblr.com/post/85847849581/ [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/85180268721/92936-pm-chief-i-a-cute-southern [click for link to image]

sexual content: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/91473197761/stayed-up-waaay-too-late-foolin-around-with-the http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87159731326/this-just-in-my-boyfriend-has-the-cutest-undies [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/88177729331/more-i-think-thats-partly-why-i-freakin [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/86710997056/you-know-what-sucks-more-going-almost-an [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87947493101/more-you-know-what-sucks-going-through-a [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101713543141/more-i-say-i-dont-chase-but-i-do-i-did when they had broken up, references ‘chasing’ people and the fact that this person was a child at the time something he himself points out. [click for link to image]

other bits of conversation with this person: [chat part 1.] [chat part 2.] the parts that are redacted are for this person’s comfort, they felt those parts were too identifying. [chat part 3.] contains more (see below under cl2y) about his habit of telling stories about all of his exes, none of which are kind and all paint him in a better light. it’s one of the classic moves of an abuser. the red edits are from them themself, the edits do not change the context and also fix some grammatical errors.

of note, after this person broke things off with lawrence, he went on to reblog this post [link to image] despite asking for and engaging in sexual content with a known minor willingly.

====

http://coyoteas.tumblr.com/ [click for link to image] - was 18/19 when they started dating. was 18 when they first started talking. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/archive/2014/9 http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101642762146/coyoteas-replied-to-your-postthat-feel-when-you [click for link to image] rp might be one of the ways he lures people in. [definitely uses sex appeal - click for screenshot] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/103246409901/if-you-cant-appreciate-hella-cute-boys-with [click for link to image] chat with coyoteas. [click for link to image] this was all he was willing to share in regards to lawrence’s behavior.

====

http://kitchnboy.tumblr.com/ / localchef.tumblr.com (previous url) / http://unchefly.tumblr.com (previous url) was 18 when they started dating, was 18 when they started talking based on timing. [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/120590264641/also-im-not-single-anymore [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/129047704191/pretty-sure-my-boyfriend-fell-asleep-cuddling-an [click for link to image] references his boyfriend’s underage drinking.

===

he was briefly seeing a few people between the person below and kitchnboy but there is not enough information his blog to find out who they were and ask them if they’d be willing to speak about their experiences with him or their ages for that matter… see the chat logs below generously given for this from cl2y.

====

name redacted upon request. this partner was very uncomfortable talking about him so we’ve kept it to just what was said on his blog and the fact that they are in fact in their 20s, closer to his age than his previous partners which, if we can speculate might be why he lost interest relatively quickly. [click for link to image] [click for link to image] [click for link to image]

=====

as for lawrence’s most recent ex, they’ve asked to also be redacted from this file. - is currently 19, supposedly they’ve been talking since he was at least 18 ish while lawrence was dating another partner. he was described as one former partner as a ‘serial monogamist’ and it does appear that he rapidly lines up and cycles through partners. [click for an old image] link redacted for as much privacy as possible [click for link to image] age proof http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160663250106/the-gays [click for link to image] they have definitely met irl. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160694921851/you-know-youre-screwed-when-your-bed-still-smells [click for link to image] proof of sexual contact. where ospriet and others go on to defend his choices in dating teenagers: ospriet.tumblr.com/post/161463971591/just-so-were-clear-i-have-a-boyfriend-my [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/161480963336/now-that-im-home-for-the-evening-i-will-explain [click for link to image]

======

other inappropriate age wise ‘friendships’ that were found: http://puppy-eater.tumblr.com/ http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/97018639641/puppy-eater-replied-to-your-post-mor-i-used-to had been speaking to lawrence before this point, so was in highschool. between 17-18. http://native-trickster.tumblr.com/ [click for image] was 17 when they first began interacting on tumblr, is now 18.

=====

general others:

http://tricksterkind.tumblr.com/about - age unknown but they might have been almost dating at one point.

user cl2y was exceptionally generous and brave to not only share the following logs but to allow us to keep their name attached to all this. the following are both logs from skype with him as well as a tumblr chat they had with someone else concerning what he said. cl2y and lawrence had been talking in the summer of 2016, when these screenshots had come from.

[tumblr log 1.] [skype log part 1.] his age. [skype log part 2.] this seems to be one of the people he was seeing after kitchnboy. [skype log part 3.] on his other exes. [skype log part 4.] not really proof of anything, but can’t distinguish between reality and fiction and lets that fiction influence his reality. the folowing contain noncon or torture porn references in rp scenarios that cl2y was not comfortable with but he couldn’t take a hint. [skype log part 5.] [skype log part 6.] [skype log part 7.] [skype log part 8.]

of note as well, he made this post 3 years back looking down upon scenarios he himself asked for. [click for link] also note the fact he is unconcerned with minors engaging in sexual scenarios. in the following link from 3 years ago, he berates fictional portrayal of noncon including using it to cope despite soliciting such content against the wishes of one of his then roleplay partners (cl2y). [click for image]

this was also around the time he was “dating” and engaging a minor in sexual scenarios so he is certainly not really concerned with the legality of the issues he’s talking about.

it’s believed he uses roleplay to find new targets. [click for image]

========

underage art reblogged: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87417886561/irisviel-yukinashin-%E6%B4%97%E6%B4%97%E7%90%83%E6%B4%97%E7%90%83%E7%90%83 levi and eren (13-16 years old) from snk [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/90305481776/erueres-%E3%83%89%E3%83%AA%E3%83%BC eren (13-16 years old) and erwin from snk [click for link to image] [click for image] - more incestual content, from homestuck this time. the characters pictured are related as well as 13-16 years old.

========

nsfw content warning http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/151957572816/inkeyeliner-had-a-freaking-blast-at [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160297190971/sometimessmuthappens-oh-gosh-%CF%89-%E3%82%9E-i [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/155717961546/sometimessmuthappens-uhhhhhh-ooops-not-sure-if [click for image] borderline beastiality. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/114134431481/i-long-to-talk-with-some-old-lovers-ghost-who if not actual. [click for image]

======

borderline fetishistic interest in other cultures, particularly japanese (reblogs a ton of japanese art/uses japanese phrasing/kanji/acquired a job at a japanese clothing store) or other asian cultures. please look through his archives, there are too many posts to include. [click for link] also says things like http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/92592080111/oh-my-god-i-dont-have-yellow-fever-i-swear-ive not this is involving the 17 year old he was dating. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/84559811006/when-i-turn-30something-i-hope-i-look-half-as-good [click for image] also roleplayed real people (http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/90308357146/blauh-blah-more-when-i-came-home-from-the [click for image] also native american cultures. has plenty of reblogs in history.

other posts of interest http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/70938323641/sigh-pretty-girls-in-lolita-dresses-and-frills [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/54425446342/am-i-the-only-dude-who-ships-roxy-and-dirk-le into incest. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/159349377356/cats-paw-talisman-for-safe-travels has a real cats paw.. who knows from where. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/155183650071/shit might be his car. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/114184533256/what-sort-of-animal-could-be-my-spirit-animal involved in ‘spirit animals’ even though that is not his place as a non-native american. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101732442131/i-need-something-cute-to-bed-stat lends itself to the whole theory he targets and dates people for relative easy access for sexual content/sex. teenagers are slightly easier marks than people his own age. [click for image]

====

these posts are simply ironic given his history with minors and teenagers. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/154185782796/being-an-adult-is-hardmore-being-an-adult [click for image]

http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/139206250666/ngl-im-a-little-bummed-i-wontcant-attend [click for image]

====

i’m well aware there are many who will feel strongly about how this is being handled but this isn’t gossiping or rumor-milling. there’s ample evidence here that points to his attentions to minors/teenagers. and no, no one involved in the marking of this post (apart from the exes or ex-roleplay partners who responded) was personally affected. one of us got a message about this man and decided to look into it because you can’t go and believe general “slanderous” statements about people, especially from completely anonymous parties. imagine the shock when it was discovered that the message received wasn’t based in lies and that it wasn’t a “typical tumblr callout” post.

#vulture culture #witchcraft #dragon age #werewolf #norse paganism #norse mythology #homestuck #mcelroys #mbmbam #da2 #cryptids #asatru #freyr #nature #dai #wolf #taxidermy #dave strider #taz

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daehquns · 7 years ago

Text

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

♡ — * » KYONG DAEHYUN looks so cute on the beach !! apparently, ( he/they ) come from ( south korea ) and are a ( twenty ) years old ( pansexual ) ( demiboy ) ( med student ). other hotel residents described them as ( gentle + sage ), but also ( ambivalent - faint-hearted ). don’t you think they look a bit like ( PARK JIMIN ) ?

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info. ALSO: i have an exam tomorrow, my peeps, so i don’t think i’ll be around till tomorrow but !! i can’t wait to plot & interact with all of you.

SORTA BIO THING:

[ MISCARRIAGE TW ] kyong daehyun was born in daegu, south korea on the 22nd of february 1997. they were sort of a miracle baby bc their mom went through two miscarriages before them ( she’s rh negative & the babies were rh positive n ,,, i wont explain the biology behind it, im sure yall know that ). they’re an only child. they’ve always wanted a sibling ( an older one ,,,, they always want the impossible things smfh ). so yeah, they were a bit lonely while growing up

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often (their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

the greatest discovery of their life was the internet. they had little interest in sports & going outside, so they’d spend their free time glued to the screen of their laptop, either watching movies, youtube videos & tv shows or getting to know strangers from across the world thanks to various websites & apps. they’d often stay up all night n ruin their sleep pattern in order to talk to their friends from other timezones. they made them so happy. so. happy.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career, though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”. i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

[ PROFESSOR/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP THING TW ] … idk maybe someone’s triggered by that. anyway, there was a class that made them 11/10 done with life & they were sure they’d fail it n ruin their entire life, so they approached the professor ( who ,,, was rly hot n made hyunnie weak in the knees ok ) n were like “i will literally do ANYTHING in order to pass this class ,,,,,, pls”. like, they had 0 shame bc they were so done with it. n ,,, long story short, they ended up sleeping with the professor … ,,, multiple times. t was bc of the grade the first time, but … they’re pretty much in love with him now. and they’re a bit foolish, they hope he’s in love with them too. n idk they sort of dream about being in a real relationship with them. l mao … my poor kiddo.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them dae or hyun honestly

daehyun is a demiboy ( they/them or he/him. if you refer to them as she/her, they will feel uncomfortable, but they will not have the guts to correct you. lmao one time they watched a woman make them european-style pancakes with nutella & cherries, even though they asked for a nutella/banana combo. they did not correct her. they ate half of it, left with a pout on their face n were sad for the rest of the day tHATS HOW ANXIOUS N SHY THEY ARE BYE ). anyway, as i said —— demiboy. panromantic ( very romantic, a huge dreamer. the type to imagine cute scenarios with their crush before falling asleep ). pansexual, though the most attracted to masculine physique buT !! they’re too self-conscious n emotion-dependent that they can’t have sex with just about anyone. n o. byee. like, the thought of getting naked in front of someone is terrifying to them, so they really need to trust n know the person. i wouldn’t call them demisexual though, since they do experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond, they just … can’t let go of their ~stupid insecurities~

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they are away from home, they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

why are they obsessed with lollipops ? thanks to them they destroy their nails n cuticles LESS when bored, since their mouth is occupied. you can determine how life’s goin for daehyun just by looking at their hands. when everything’s good, their nails are painted ( the execution n design also say a lot about how much free time they have n how clear their head is ). when everything’s shit, they aren’t painted, they are bloody and sore, skin completely damaged, so much that it hurts to touch items with the very tips of their fingers. everything burns n they’re wincing 25/8.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ?they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that.

they’re fluent in english, but pls don’t throw big words at them :( they feel so embarrassed when they don’t know what something means. they go home & write the new word on one of their colourful cards, along with its translation to korean, a smol explanation & an example sentence n they have loads of those cards that they reread whenever they have time. when they learn a new word, they love showing off lmao dumbass

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they know it’s their true passion& call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … black, platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink.

they’ve never been in an actual relationship. never cuddled, or did couple-y things. their professor took their virginity, so … ya. that’s one of the reasons why they’re refusing to let him go.

[MEDICATION TW] as i mentioned before, they were a weak child who was often sick and had bad migraines ,,, this sort of got them hooked on medication ?? like, they will convince themself that their head is hurting and jus pop a pill without any need to do so ,,,, like, they are 110% sure they need pills to function normally every single day.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

i think it’s quite obvious that they’re a very anxious, shy & alert person 24/7 and i guess that you can see how their upbringing had a lot to do with it. i don’t view their shyness as cute and adorable, but they definitely aren’t grim either. they’re just closed-off. they’re not used to sharing personal stuff with other people, at least not face to face. online, everything’s different.

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

their zodiac sign is pisces n they HATE IT lol they’re like “i’m not a whiny baby emo dreamer ew go away” so they keep telling people that their zodiac sign is aquarius bc it’s close enough n they find them cool n admire the description of the seemingly stoic sign that goes through life with their brain rather than their heart. they love to think that they’re strong n logical, that they’re not emotional … but that’s not the case. it’s all an act really

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

this is so important. online friends. they met online a couple of years ago ( we’ll figure out how ) n now they’re both here and ? hyunnie is so scared to meet them bc they’re afraid that person won’t like them irl, but the desire is bigger than the fear !

similar to the previous one, but it was a long distance relationship ( it ended bc the distance was too much ig ). they only chatted, but they know everything about each other. they were infuriated every single day bc they couldn’t physically feel each other, but they still planned a future together, or at least meeting irl … maybe they now finally have a chance ?

crush. as i said, hyunnie falls quickly for a person. it can be unrequited. it’s just someone they daydream about n sigh over. or it can be the other way around, but hyunnie is quite clueless n doesn’t pick up on their hints.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

#corfintro

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dachyun · 8 years ago

Text

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

✧—* » [PARK JIMIN, DEMIBOY, TWENTY]—-oh shit! is that [KYONG DAEHYUN], [MEMBER] of [ALPHA TAU OMEGA]? [HE/THEY] is/are a [JUNIOR] and a [BIOCHEMISTRY] major. That’s probably because they’re [MAGNANIMOUS] but have a tendency to be [TIMID]. I guess you’ll just have to see.

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, biochem student myself, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info

SORTA BIO THING:

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often ( their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career ( currently biochem major ), though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

they moved to the states bc COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. not the country, but the classes they are in. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”. i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them hyun honestly

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they live alone they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ? they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that. literally, coming to the US all alone was so tRAUMATIC you don’t even know.

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they still do that now that they are in america & they know it’s their true passion & call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink. they’ve been dyeing it pink ever since they came to the states.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they haven’t actually made an effort to make friends here ?? like …,,,.., i don’t think they care. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

professor’s kid. yup, hyunnie is sleeping with their dad. n they found out ?? yikes.

first irl american friend. they literally helped them so much, explained how things work n stuff. they’ll forever be in their debt.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

#ksuooc #ksuintro #sighs #idk

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shingetsu-archivedfgjdfhgjg · 7 years ago

Note

multiples of 1

I’ve already answered 8, 9, 10, and 19!!! Thank you for the ask renbug I love you so much!! I’m putting these under a cut cause its long!! o:

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Anything with my beautiful love Kieren!!

2. whats your “type”

Ren

3. do you want kids?

Yeah! Only once I’m very steady in life and both me and my partner are ready if we ever are and if not thats okay too!

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

Hmm I’m not entirely sure I would most likely adopt though!!

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

fdjhkgfjhkg It was the most recent one where we went to that cute little town with all of the lights and walked around the park and jumped around on rocks on the river and then shared pecan pie and got coffees at a cafe and then walked around beneath the lights and went to a little flower shop and then drove to a different park and sat by a different river and stargazed and ran around and played on the really cool wooden fort themed playground and just listened to music and talked and it was all really cute but like also every single date you’ve taken me on?? ur just cute I love you

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

uhhh I’m gonna skip this cause its nsfw and I assume you just didn’t see it jhfgjhkd

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Morning!

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

HELL YEAH

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

uhh probably im just more cautious about if my friends dont like them because of a really shitty ex who i never wouldve been with if i had noticed how awful they were to my friends

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

i thought u were either gay lesbian or straight and thats it. I didn’t understand the gender spectrum or sexuality spectrum or the difference between sexuality and romantic orientation

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

i would be cheesy and write a well thought out message rn but im tired so just hey at little lee dont let those people make you numb yourself and distrust others. be fully urself and love others fully and with no barriers i know its difficult but please you care so much about others and you need to care about yourself too and let others in or you wont make progress and be the happy and loving person you were always meant to be

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

Not really!!

16. who is an ex you regret?

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Cafe!!

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

uhh im nb sooo uhhh but ill just say a girl i would “go straight” for since im not attracted to girls and im somewhat masc aligned. I’d probably say Kesha or Zendaya they are both beautiful intelligent funny and amazing but more than anything id just love to be friends with them

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Killua and Gon they are in love and even though its not directly said in canon there are so many hints dropped in how dialogue was written and other things so uhhh its canon

21. favourite gay youtuber

I don’t watch many LGBT centric channels but I like Stef Sanjati I think shes a sweetheart and shes so cool. I usually watch lets players though and one of my favorites is Cryaotic even though he can be iffy sometimes thats pretty much just true of… all youtubers especially lets players but hes pansexual so i think that counts

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

haha no. im very open about my gay so i would know if someone was straight before i became friends with them and also just… gay people are more fun I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush on a straight person

23. have you ever been in love?

Yes I am right now

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yeah but I’ve gotten past it and I’m glad I went through it because I wouldn’t be who I am now without it

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

I’ve never had trouble with that! Those two feelings are very distinct to me!

26. favourite lgb musician/band

I really like Lontalius!! I really need more lgbt+ musicians to listen to so like if anyone has suggestions pwease

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Just find strength in yourself you will find your people and there will be so many people who support and love you you just have to hold on and be strong because you are not unlovable or weird

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

Yep I came out to my friends first and then my mother asked me if I was trans and then she outed me to my dad before I was ready (she has learned from the experience and is a lot better about these things now and has always been very supportive) and then when I joined high school we just asked my counselor to email all of my teachers about my preferred pronouns and name and we got permission for me to use the male bathrooms which was a first in my high school! Now basically just anyone I come across kinda either know or just eventually find out or weren’t around long enough to know

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

When I had just gotten out of the mental hospital and my mom asked me if i was trans but like that wasnt the bad part its just when we got home she immediately told my dad infront of me and it doesnt help that the last time i had seen him was a week before when he started yelling at me and left our last family visit in the middle of it and then he cried in his car for literally 8 hours but its all fine now hes come to terms with it and tries sometimes but most of the time its just ignored

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Just explore it with yourself and find a community online or outside of the house even if you can there are people who you are going to meet who will make you feel safe and loved so just be patient with yourself and with life and everything will be okay. The bad times do not last forever and will not be your entire life I promise.

#romo pda //#asks

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ghosteddie · 8 years ago

Note

The stuff you've posted about abuse has really helped me, do you mind talking about what happened?

Yeah so hello readmore. As you seem to already know, my inbox is open if you need anything else. I use the IM thing too.

I’m glad that my stuff is helping you, I won’t share everything but I’ll explain some of the different stuff I’ve endured. I know I felt like I was somehow alone and living the same life as everyone else at the time, like it was normal and nobody would understand. So I understand why you’d ask this.

We’ll start with childhood. The basic building blocks of how I lived as a kid are:

My mom would spoil my brother while degrading me for existing. He was perfect but I could never do anything right. I always feel like maybe I made this up, like it wasn’t that bad, but I vividly remember instances like standing in the middle of the store and asking for a t-shirt, getting a no, then watching her say yes to my brother for the same t-shirt. She ponied up a shit ton of dough to get him into football and soccer, but she wouldn’t let me go to my choir concerts even though it was REQUIRED for a grade in my class and took me out of soccer the second I got scouted for an advanced league. I wasn’t allowed to be good at anything and I wasn’t allowed to have nice things.

If I tried to figure myself out and express my identity, I was punished. A friend painted my nails at lunch at school one day in middle school, it was a pale color, you could barely see it. Another parent had bought it for their child, so I can’t imagine it was like Harlet Brand. There was nothing wrong with it, but when I came home she emptied out a bottle of nail polish remover and made me sit still as a statue and hit me if I moved. I had to sit there for almost a full 24 hours without peeing or eating or drinking water, I wasn’t allowed to move until the nail polish ate itself in the remover. I wasn’t even allowed to rub my fingers over the polish. I was always put in adult size XXXXL, t-shirts were three quarter length sleeved and went to my knees. If I didn’t disappear in it and it didn’t look like I was just a pile of clothes, it was too small. My friends would buy me things for my birthday out of pity but my mom always took everything away immediately, their mothers felt so bad and I never knew what to do about it. She didn’t even throw this stuff that I wasn’t allowed to have away or donate it; she reveled in keeping it in her room like a trophy. She liked me being able to see that the stuff that I wanted was still there but I couldn’t have it.

She shaved my head at every opportunity.

She beat me for just about every reason I can imagine that she could think of. My brother pissed her off? Beat me. She had a bad day at work? Beat me. I didn’t do enough for her? Beat me. I literally broke bones. I have scars to this day.

She used me as a slave. Even back as far as I can remember in like elementary school, I was the one in charge of cooking for everyone, I was in charge of cleaning up after everyone, and I did all of the laundry. There was not a chore that was not my responsibility.

She liked to tell me that I was going to grow up to be as big as her. That I would be as ugly as her. That I would be her. She’d tell me my life was worthless, that she brought me into this world and she could take me out of it. She’d tell me that I couldn’t do anything. I’ve always loved to sing, but if she ever heard a peep she would always berate me for it. She’d tell me I was terrible and a bother for having an interest. That I shouldn’t even be seen, let alone heard. My brother would join in on this. They’d laugh.

Nothing was ever allowed to be wrong with me either, which really fucks me up. I fell down the stairs and twisted my knee so hard it was purple and she told me to walk it off, then laughed and called me a sissy lala when I cried because it hurt. I broke my funny bone on her work property and the only reason we even know that is because even though she was laughing at my bleeding nose, chipped tooth, and steadily growing arm that was changing green and blue and purple and calling me a pansy for saying it hurt, her boss INSISTED she take me to the hospital.

She ripped my cast off by force less than a week later. Said I’d only use it for pity and I didn’t need it anyway.

The next step from there was total neglect. There’s a big story for me going to the children’s shelter, but she basically was just like whatever I don’t want him and then proceeded to not give a shit about trying to see me. She basically just washed her hands of me.

In my later teen years, after I’d been in the foster care system and started taking care of myself, she ended up back in my life. Things are going fuzzy, I don’t remember how. But, at this time:

She no longer beat me. In fact, she acted like it never happened and just didn’t acknowledge it at all. I think that is the most terrifying thing she’s ever done.

She would tell me a sob story about how her landlord was coming for x, y, or z and then ask me if I could come over to help her clean up. She’d tell me that her landlord would kick her out if they saw how much of a mess her house was and she’d say she had no idea what else to do. I would spend a whole week straight cleaning her house. She wouldn’t help at all.

But she would laugh at me in front of my friends. She’d offer to take us out to dinner and then tell stories about what a pathetic little sniveling child I was.

When a boyfriend cheated on me and tried to throw me down her stairs and started ripping the gutters off her home, she looked at me bleeding and sobbing on the floor and said I’d let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me. That nobody else would love me and whatever he had done couldn’t possibly be bad enough to warrant robbing HER of time with him.

Then there’s the monster ex:

I always want to say that things started out slow and escalated, but that’s a lie. The first thing he did that was abusive was manipulating me into thinking his ex was the devil. He had me thinking this girl was making him want to kill himself, and he constantly sent me after he like an attack dog. I know that she wasn’t doing anything wrong because I do eventually simmer down and try to talk things out and all it took was a few simple screencaps to show the monster ex was a damned liar. He admitted it too when called out and we eventually became friends? Like it was the weirdest mindfuck he’s ever pulled. He tried to make his ex kill herself, then sent me to make her want to kill herself, and then we were friends. I even woke up from a drunk night wearing HER pants once. I drew abs on the woman. I think this is why he has yet to actually send anyone my way to bitch me out. He always has people yell at people, but not me. Not once. Because he learned that sending people to yell at someone for something that never happened ALWAYS backfires.

The first err against me was after we’d moved in together. We were really happy, and I know he likes to play like he was never happy now that all is said and done, but that’s just more abuse. It’s his way of erasing his blame and making it look like he is some Super Pathetic Victim. He cheated. And he lied. To someone his ex knew too, more than once. It was a whole thing. Like he was laughing to my face and we were cuddling and I tied him to the heater and fucked him silly, but he still needed to have some pity to feed off of, so he made up some stuff. Which he admitted. But then kept doing. She kept falling for it. He would say stuff like he was going to steal my wallet in the middle of the night and run off to be Hummelberry in NY. I don’t even think he was really cheating because he liked the girl or because he wanted to cheat, he just wanted her to pity him to The Highest Extent.

Even just this far, there is obviously only one reason a person would stay with a person like that. And that reason is abuse. It’s fucking powerful.

He would ride my coattails whenever I’d do something online, and if people paid attention to me he had to push in too. He loved it when people loved us. Then he would start contolling the things I did. I cannot tell you how many times I admined a group and had to watch as he abused people in the group. He was so terrible. But I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t stop him.

And he’d control who I could talk to, who I could write with in groups. He liked to ship wreck my ships. He’d already have like 5 ships with me and then he’d decide to make a 6th character and his FIRST move was always finding one of my character’s to ruin. He literally brought his abuse into character. He abused one of my rp characters in the same way he abuses me and the ENTIRE rp was SO uncomfortable.

It wasn’t until I started telling him to stop treating me like shit that things got really heated up. I never understood it and it drove me insane at the time, but he would abuse me and I would say he was abusing me and he would nod his head and tell me he understood. We’d have a heart to heart convo about how he was hurting me and how he could avoid doing that in the future. I’d ask him to remember to consider me as a human being all the time, he always forgot I wasn’t just a stepping stool. But we’d get to a good place and I’d think he understood. He would have expressed his heartfelt desire to do better and be a better person— but then he would go online and throw pity parties about how terrible I was.

He had a huge love of gaslighting or making shit up. He would post about me on his blog to get attention all the time, and talk to his friends about me. Just lie, right through his teeth. Nothing was too outrageous for him to go for. He had to villify me, and as far as I’m concerned that’s abuse too. It’s practically cyberbullying when it’s done in a tightknit community. He’s sent me anon hate, he’s sent my friends anon hate, and he’s sent anon hate to other blogs about me. He’s also signed hate to other blogs about me, even after I finally got him out of my life. He can’t breathe without using lies about me to host a pity party. That feels like abuse to me. His lies weren’t ever even all that good. He’d be as bad as to say “I want you all to give me money so I can spend it on me” and then say “I wanted to give HIM that money, not me! I’m a saint!” Like…. the original post is right there with the words “for myself” written right on it but okay?

My mind is really going fuzzy now, so I’ll leave a really short list that will cover like 1/1000th of his daily abuse. Some of the every day things included:

Making me out to be the bad guy if I ever asked for anything

Guilting me for telling him when he did things that hurt me

Telling me things like that I wasn’t worth being treated with common decency, right to my face, just because he was mad.

He pushed and pulled with his attention and affection a lot. He was always very manipulative in the way that he would pay attention or talk to me and be super sweet and then flip it when he got what he wanted.

He was also very manipulative in the way he would be sweet to me and then shit talk me behind my back. Kind of like how he we romantic with me while cheating behind my back. I’m poly. Bro. Literally all you had to do was respect me as the person you’re already dating and a s k.

Signing into my messengers, reading my private stuff, especially after we fought, so that he could see what I was saying to my friends. If I ever dared to ask for help from someone, or said a word about him that wasn’t sparkling, he would immediately start another fight.

Calling me fat - I will never forget this. I literally said, “If I were this big, I would jump off the roof and kill myself, I 100% cannot handle that I am freaking out” and he replied, “Well, you’re that big.” I’ve had serious eating disorders since childhood, fucking asshole. I don’t care what excuse a person can come up with, there is none for that. Even if your worst enemy says, “I’ll kill myself if ___” you do NOT reply with, “well, ____” unless you’re ABSOLUTE garbage. He tries to claim that he was only with me because he thought I’d kill myself if he left, that making shit up is another abuse thing, but if he gave a shit about my mental health or if I killed myself…. why the fuck did he tell me I was fat right after I specifically said I would kill myself if I was fat??????? And he knows I’m not lying. It wasn’t a funny haha I’d kill myself lol xD xD like his are. He knows I only say that shit when it is r e a l.

Admittedly taking his anger out on me, yelling at me just because someone else made him mad

He would constantly tell me that my style was wrong, or that the clothes I was wearing made me look too girly. He was always telling me that I needed to be different, downing on me until I felt bad and had to second guess everything. I never really cared how people saw me until he started making me feel like every time someone looks at me, all they see is a girl. He pushed that transphobic, sexist, YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A MAN TO BE A MAN bullshit on me all of the time.

Telling me all of my interests were stupid

Acting out whenever he had to do something. Like we were moving out of Arizona and packing things up into the Uhaul, we were almost done, we just had the Christmas stuff. We were moving on and off too, really lazy, but we did also do everything at once. So he starts whipping me with words as fast as he can, trying to get me to just shut down because he’s attacking me. It doesn’t work, I ask him to get the xmas stuff in location a while I go to location b and get shit done and I shit you not, Miller-opher Kingle, Mr. I Listen To My Thousand Song Christmas Playlist All Year Round himself screams out, “I DON’T EVEN LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!!” in his attempt to get me to give into him.

Complaining whenever I wanted to talk about my interests or indulge in my interests

While also shoving every fart he made under my nose and demanding validation

Forcing me to watch stuff he was interested in and even picking fights if I said no but always acting like I wanted him to rip off an arm if I wanted to pick something.

Invading my private space. He was fucking obsessed with climbing into my bed and it was the creepiest and most terrifying thing in the world. Nobody wants to share a bed with their abuser, and nobody should have to deal with their abuser clinging to their arm like a tumor. Nobody should be forced to allow themselves to be used to up their abuser’s state of being.

LOUD ASS FUCK SKYPE CALLS WHILE I AM ASLEEP but oh, better yell at me because I wanted to listen to music while he was awake and he’s just too lazy to put the headphones from his neck to his ears so he can block me out

Refusing to clean, making me do it, yelling at me whenever I asked him to help out even a little

Refusing to cook, he would rather starve if I didn’t always cook for him

Refusing to work, especially when we were freelance writing. I’d give him like 500 words total and then take one 50,000 words myself and STILL have to do half of his when I finished mine

Using all of my shit, even when I told him not to, even when he said he wouldn’t. It feels like abuse because it’s like pissing all over my stuff, taking my stuff. A lot of my costume makeup he completely used.

The biggest thing though was that if I couldn’t give him something useful, I was useless. If I wasn’t blowing compliments up his ass 24/7, I was useless. If I wasn’t cooking and cleaning up after him, I was useless. If I wasn’t praising him and showering him in attention, I was useless. If I wasn’t being whored out to the internet to draw in more people to adore him, I was useless. If I was telling him he had to change, that he couldn’t keep abusing me, I was useless. What I wanted never mattered. If we got two bags of chips, he got one and three fourths and I got one fourth. If we got two things and promised to share 50/50, he’d still manipulate me into getting at LEAST half of my half. I could never just have an equal amount of anything. We’d go out and take 100 pics of him and 0 of me. Even when we went to Lady Gaga and I was DRESSED like Lady Gaga herself and I was stopped by fellow fans for pics with strangers, the one event that was quite literally The Me Event, and we got ZERO photos of me. that even after I spent six hours pouring myself into a skimpy ass costume that I made myself, and even after we drove hours and hours to get to the concert, even with it being my birthday present, zero photos of me. I’m the only person at that event that did not go home with a dozen and a half photos of me, I shit you not. What does it say that we BOTH valued me so little? If you feel what I just described in any way, you’re probably being abused.

#personal post #abuse tw #I endured #Anonymous